Joni
My time with the Queen
I’ve been spending the last few days trying to process this last weekend. A small, incredibly lucky group called The Joni Jam (of which I’m a proud member) got to back up the greatest songwriter that ever lived two nights in a row at the Hollywood Bowl. It felt as magical and euphoric as you are probably imagining, but it also had a certain singularity to it. I don’t want to pretend I’ve had experiences quite like this very often in my life, but there was definitely a unique flavor to this that went beyond the musician’s-bucket-list-moment-singing-beloved-songs-with-hero vibe. Not to diminish that! That alone would have been way beyond any dream I’ve ever had. But what happened inhabited a different realm. And that’s what I’ve been trying to drill down on. What I’ve landed on is twofold - it comes down to what she’s been through and what she’s given us.
1 - What She’s Been Through!
In the midst of one of the jams, Joni once told us - “I’ve had to learn to walk three times. Once as a baby, once after contracting polio, and once again after my brain aneurysm.” She had polio when she was 9 and the brain aneurysm at 71. After that happened she told the world she’d never be able to sing again. It also wasn’t immediately clear if she was going to be able to walk or talk again. So this last little bunch of shows - between Newport Folk Festival, The Gorge and The Hollywood Bowl - go way beyond someone simply coming out of retirement. This was overcoming the greatest obstacle in an entire lifespan. This was achieving the impossible. But her conquest wasn’t celebrated with some solemn gaze or proud speech. She giggled between songs. She was joyful. Joyful in a way I don’t think I can fully comprehend. A kind of joy you can only understand if you’re 2 years old or 2 thousand years old. And it’s been palpable every time I’ve been lucky enough to share the stage with her. Her joy is met with the most buoying waves of love I’ve ever encountered from any group of people, let alone a crowd at a concert. Just her presence was enough to truly send people. But I think that wasn’t just about what she’s been through. I think that phenomenon had just as much to do with…
2 - What She’s Given Us!
Which is to say, the songs. Anyone that has let Joni into their ears and hearts knows what I’m talking about. She wasn’t someone who gave the world a bunch of bops with catchy choruses that are fun to dance to. She’s given us plenty of those, but the body of work (including said bops) goes way deeper than that. Joni has shown people how to deal with Life. Her best songs are philosophical investigations that give the listener the respect of assuming that they’re sharing the same experience. It’s never holier than thou. When she condemns the darker impulses of humanity, she doesn’t exempt herself. She’s indiscriminate in her dolling out of accountability. As she says in If I Had A Heart from the 2007 record Shine -
Holy Earth How can we heal you? We cover you like a blight Strange birds of appetite If I had a heart, I’d cry
She’s also confessional in a way that requires a profound level of self awareness. She’s willing to challenge herself in ways that feel too scary for just about anyone else. Observations that strip our personal experiences of meaning while simultaneously drawing out the zen-like quality to that meaninglessness. Like this moment from the song Hejira -
I know no one’s going to show me everything We all come and go unknown Each so deep and superficial Between the forceps and the stone
Or finding herself and her story in the most beautiful and peaceful of images…(Also from the song Hejira) -
In the church they light the candles And the wax rolls down like tears There’s the hope and the hopelessness I’ve witnessed thirty years
I don’t know about you, but by my standards these are massive feats for songwriting. And I think any Joni “fan” has a similar feeling. Maybe with different touchstones and different revelations, but the same depth of connection, the same richness of conclusions drawn.
This is what I think was shaping that feeling in the air at these Hollywood Bowl shows. Us “fans” (onstage and off) were not celebrating the return of our favorite rock star or songwriter. This is our teacher, our sage, our guiding light, our connection between this world and the astral plane, our example of just how fully we can live this life.
And I’ve only talked about the lyrics so far! I daresay the music is telling this same story for the folks that are more attuned to that mode of communication. I have no doubt that phenoms like Jacob Collier and Jon Baptiste (both reverent members of her band for both shows) have immense respect for her words, but if that’s all she was really giving us? Like, if there were cowboy guitar chords under these incredible lyrics, would musicians like this still be in attendance? I tend to doubt it! Her music has always been as rich musically as it is lyrically. I’ve always ascribed it not just her own expanded awareness of how the universe ticks but also her generosity and regard for her listener; her foregone conclusion that we all are attuned to and can handle those same complexities. Which, as it turns out, we are.
I think all these thoughts are what was swirling around in the back of my head as the lights came up on Joni. As the crowd got on their feet and screamed for several minutes before Joni even sang the first note. As Joni giggled. And the combination of those adoring cheers and that light little laugh - that was my favorite song of the night.
And for anyone that missed it…
On our coheadline tour with Lucius I would tell this story every night, but here it is told much more eloquently in Brandi’s words…
And for the paid subscribers I’ll include a recording of me singing the song. I’ll admit the “come ins” sounded better with Brandi, Marcus, Celisse, Tim and Phil, Blake, Lucius and everyone else that was in the room that night. But hopefully this will give off at least some of the vibe.
Not that I have any way of proving it, or that it matters at all, but I’m proud to say this song is memorized now. It became a mainstay during bedtime for my kids. Thanks for this song, thanks for this memory, and thank you for everything else, Joni.
